a note to myself

Don't ever flirt with a cab driver again. Not matter how bad things get.

It's very uncomfortable for all those involved.

a note to Al Pacino

I used to have sexual fantasies about you.

(image via drollgirl)

Not anymore.

a note to Lanvin

I am no one, I have done nothing, I will probably continue to do nothing.

(images via Just Jared)

But give me this dress.

a note to blogger

The formatting errors in the last two posts have caused me, a borderline anal retentive, to chew on my own hair and cry in my sleep. I don't know how to fix it. It completely screws up my page here. Why is this happening.

Don't fuck with me.

a note to george michael

It's bad enough that you almost single-handedly make me hate Christmas.

And now you drop another tune this year that we can all cut our wrists to.

"White sugar from Jesus"? Seriously?

For fuck's sake, George Michael. Stop it. Just stop it.

a note to People magazine

You have named Robert Downey Jr. one of your Sexiest Men Alive 2009.

(image via here)

Hell, yes.

the beautiful people

I'm watching the late night news yesterday, when this segment comes on about a website called BeautifulPeople.com. According to the website's ranking, Brazilian women are the fourth most attractive nationality, while Brazilian men came in third. The Scandinavians got all the top spots for most good-looking males and females.

The Brits were amongst the least attractive, both women and men.

BeautifulPeople.com is, in their own words, "the largest network of attractive people in the world." You submit a picture and your level of beauty is voted on by members of the site from the opposite sex. If you get enough votes, that means you're pretty. And you're in the club.

They also write that "the concept and site was founded on one very simple principle of human nature - the fact that people want to be with someone they are attracted to."

Really? Just physically? Is forming complete sentences not a big requirement? But then, by saying this, am I not also suggesting that "beautiful" people have no substance, just looks?

What bothers me about this website's concept is that they attempt to simplify beauty and attractiveness, when in fact, it is much more complex and intangible than we think. But there is an army of people who agree with this credo, that physically beauty is paramount, that it will get you far... and, most disgustingly, welcome ways through which the pretty ones are segregated from the ugly ones.

I would say that this is a step backwards. But, in truth, defining, obtaining and measuring beauty is a quest that the human race has been on since always. And we're gonna keep on it until we are blue in the face.

As a tribute, here is Marilyn Manson's The Beautiful People:

And, finally, a note to the founders of BeautifulPeople.com, who think we prefer the physically beautiful over the ugly:

"It may not be politically correct to say so... but it is honest."

It may very well be, who am I to say.

But that still makes you all assholes.

imagine not annoying me

A friend's birthday is coming up. I want to give him a little something, but he is the kind of man who has everything and needs nothing.

So I thought of Imaginarium, a store that sells the kind of shit you never thought you needed.

(image via here)

But as soon as I thought of it, I gave up. Why, you ask?

Because they have the most irritating sales people on the face of this good earth.

In fact, every time I pass by one of their stores, I think two, three times before stepping in. I know I will be hassled by some cute girl who thinks she is being charming and efficient.

My last visit was around Father's Day. The Sister and I were looking for an item completely unrelated to the holiday. We were just browsing, but the salesgirl followed us around the small store like a bad smell. She kept "suggesting" gifts for fathers, even though we made it abundantly clear to her that we were looking for something else. Yet she kept on us like a goddamn drug pusher.

The Sister and I had to leave the store. And even though we liked their vinyl wall clock,

we decided against purchasing it in fear of encountering that sales girl again.

I haven't been to Imaginarium since. And it's really a shame, because I kind of like their stuff.

Like this pink X-mas tree...

the toothbrush holder in the shape of a tooth...

these dog salt and pepper shakers...

the VW beetle photo frame...

as well as the dachshund and Christ the Redeemer shaped lamps.

(images via Imaginarium)

With that in mind, here's a little note to the owner of Imaginarium.

Get some sales people who are not going to annoy the living shit out of me.

a note to my shrink

Today you said:

"It is not realistic to think that someone will choose a head of lettuce over a McDonald's meal."

(image via here)

I have a new found respect for you.

a note to the internet

(image via we heart it)

You are being such a bitch today.

Thank you.

a note to john cusack

(image via here)

I'd like to sit on your lap.

Thank you.

a side note on birds

Birds are the most frightening of all animals. However, I do enjoy bird themed decorations, as witnessed in the post bellow, and even on this illustration of Hitchcock's The Birds.

(image via here)

I am both terrified and attracted to it.

a note to my doorman

You're a creepy son of a bitch.

Thank you.

a note to my next door neighbour

Honey, one doesn't vacuum at 1 a.m.

Thank you.